Chapter 45 Progress Maybe

I don’t even know what or when I wrote last. Sophie has come to life, at least physically. and she wrote a bad check (her account has been closed for 2 years) for a LOT of mint soaps, toothpaste and salves — over $100 worth. Mint is deadly to homeopathic cures — I don’t understand how, but it antidotes the remedy.

So, though I didn’t know why, the remedy didn’t seem to be doing much at all for a week or so. Then I got a call from the company – Common Sense, (very good stuff – safe and good ingredients — but minty) about the check. I had to pay for it and the cost of the bouncing. Thats how I found out she had the stuff – a whole shitload of mint this and mint that.

Tried to explain this to Sophie, but she had gotten hostile again — has been that way pretty much since she got into the old Trazodone bottle I had also hidden and should have thrown away — it’s gone now, but the effects, apparently are still lingering.

So I got the mint stuff and didn’t have time to get rid of it (didn’t have the heart to throw it all away), before she got into it again, with me again not realizing why the remedy seemed to have stopped working.

I spoke to the homeopath and we discussed more drug clearing -I continue to believe now that she is in some kind of protracted benzo withdrawal or benzo hell/purgatory, and so, not realizing the mint was involved, I chanced another HALCION clearing. It had been many months since we’d done any clearing of it and had never actually completed the recommended 10 doses. So I thought it might help.

I diluted it in 103 cups to be sure.

Bad idea. REally bad idea. She was about as messed up as she was after being overdosed with it in the drug form. Then, in the middle of her aggravated reaction, I discovered the missing mint — oh shit.

By now I was in a state of panic, realizing I had to get the mint (although I guess I should’ve let it go ahead and antidote the Halcion, but I wasn’t thinking straight). I’d been really worn out the past few days with her not responding to the remedy, and I became determined to get that mint back.

As I got close to her stash, and insisted, she responded as she’d done long ago — she threw a flower pot and hit me in the head.

I seriously thought she’d killed me for a few minutes. It was bleeding and my neck was hurting, not to mention my head, and I was worried. In the middle of it, she called my son, and he was able to calm us both down, then got her on the phone outside, distracted, while I, once again, confiscated the mints/ soaps.

Jesus! I had lost it and joined in on the lunacy — I just can’t be calm and deal with this 24-7 for two years, with no help, all the time worrying how I will keep the house and what kind of work I can possibly find to do to keep us alive. And dealing with the pressure from the very ones I hold responsible for this hell in the first place.

And Social Security expects me to keep an accounting. I wish they’d just go to hell.

And the US Gov’t home loan I have, trying to foreclose sends me, ironically, a notice giving me the opportunity to “explain to the US Gov’t why it should not foreclose on my house.”

I know they never knew what hit ’em when they got my response, because I held NOTHING back. I told them they should be PAYING for my house and I recapped the entire corrupt story of Halcion and its continued corruption in this off-label dental application, and furthermore, I told them I wanted an investigation NOW.

After that I wrote the FDA and said the same and sent copies to the US Dept of Justice, Criminal Division and to President Obama.

Don’t you know they are all just shakin’ in their boots. (yes of course I’m kidding).

What else can I do. Again I feel like a slave or sharecropper with no rights and nowhere to turn.

Back to Sophie, we still decided that more clearing is needed, and I have been re-clearing the trazodone and seeing improvement — also tramadol, aspirin, and, I found out surprisingly, even giving her St. Johns Wort is a problem. So we have to clear that too.

Every day is still a challenge, and though it’s definitely better, (jeez, nothing could be worse than how it was 2 years ago) I am running out of steam, and if it weren’t better, I couldnt’ have kept this engine running this long. Everyday I wonder if I will ever get my daughter back again.

Tonight when I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me back. It was a little hollow, but it was still pretty solid evidence that maybe she will come back to us one day.

Tags: avoiding homeopathic antidotes, giving the gov't hell over its corrupt handling of Halcion